ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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