i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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