Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
