never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
