I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
