Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
