Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
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I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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