i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
