mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
