barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Randomize
