Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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