what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
