I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
