Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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