hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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