I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
