Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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