I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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