This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
