His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
