I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
