i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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