Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
