In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
