3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
