I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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