i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
