i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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