i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
