There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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