I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
