my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
