my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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