Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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