3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
