I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
