i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Text me some of your sweat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
