Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
