I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE