I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.