So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk