ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.