I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.