Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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