I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
