The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
