just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize