So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
