WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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