I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
