just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
