Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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