I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
