I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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