Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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