Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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