Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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