from now on my penis is your penis
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
