Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
honey bunches of taint.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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