I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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