brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
