dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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