Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
