I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
