Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
