Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
